As I sit here today, I begin to make my plans for my upcoming new "healthy lifestyle." I began thinking about meal plans, fitting in exercise into my schedule, and plotting out my weigh-in dates. I also began to realize that you typically see posts from people once they're through with their weight loss programs or diets. Once they've made significant progress in their healthy lifestyle achievements, they'll post an end result with a possible before photo. I realized, though, that no one seems to post their "beginning photo" first; no one is jumping into posting their, "This is me before I get fit" photos. I completely understand why; I personally have dreamed of being able to post that I've lost so-and-so much weight after completing so-and-so weight loss program. Weight, body image, and completing projects have always been areas I've struggled in and to be able to say, "I overcame all of them" has been a dream of mine for a long time..
But as I sit here today, I realize that although all of that is great, I feel like I should celebrate who I am today, too. I don't want to post photos 2 months or 6 months from now saying how bad I looked back then and putting myself down like I originally dreamed of doing. I want to be able to encourage someone else to say, "I'm not perfect, and I may be wrong or unhappy in some area of my life, but I can change that, *and* I'm beautiful despite that." I want to look in the mirror every day and say you should be celebrated for who you are today. I want to post that although I'm not where I want to be physically, I'm still going to try to improve on the way I view myself physically despite the scale or inches going down or up. Yes, I am 60 lbs more than I should be (wow, did I really just admit that?!); yes, it is all my fault that I'm here at this point. But I'm also more glad than ever that I gained this weight if that's what it took for me to realize this one major thing: I can celebrate who I am at any point of my life, despite my weaknesses and failures. The freedom I have from continually promoting a positive body image to myself lately instead of constantly nagging myself both consciously and unconsciously is worth it all. Yes, it is indeed a shame that it took me becoming this unhealthy to realize all of this, but I think it's just another example of my God turning something bad into something beautiful.
Bottom line: I'm learning that there is a difference between condemnation and accountability, and I'm learning that there is a difference between confidence and conceitedness.
So today, I am beginning a new healthy lifestyle because my body and myself simply deserve to be healthier as I was designed to be. But in the meantime, I will choose to be thankful and proud for everything I am *today,* because I am redeemed.
Don't be ashamed to say, "This is me," and do so without putting yourself down. Don't stop taking family photos or stop attending events. Don't go shopping thinking what is best to cover yourself up in order for you to hide. Don't pick out the things you don't like about yourself when you look into the mirror. I've been each of those persons described, and they are nothing but lies of condemnation and guilt that you are feeling, none of which come from the One who designed you. We are all capable of being redeemed from those things completely, and I hope that others will begin to be more proud of themselves at this point in their life right now, whether they're where they want to be or not. Today is a day to celebrate where you came from, where you are currently, and where you are going! Don't let the world tell you that only certain sizes and certain looks equal beauty, and the rest is not good enough. Be only who you truly, naturally are!
I'm thankful for my Father who has been working on me trying to get me to see this for quite some time, my husband that has spent countless times doing nothing but building me up and helping me overcome these lies I've let into my life for years, and for all of the women that have helped me get to the point I am today by inspiring me through the way they live their own lives!
Today I am going to start holding myself accountable without condemning myself, and I am going to start building my confidence without becoming conceited. It is a miracle that I stand here today with no make-up, no done-up hair, no editing or touch-up to this photo, no ideal weight, and not even good lighting, lol, saying that I FINALLY still love who I am today despite all that! That is something that I literally dreamed of being able to do for years and years now; that is a gift that I hope I never take for granted. "Thank God that I am redeemed!"
"Seems like all I could see was the struggle
Haunted by ghosts that lived in my past
Bound up in shackles of all my failures
Wondering how long is this gonna last
Then You look at this prisoner and say to me,
"Son stop fighting a fight that's already been won"
All my life I have been called unworthy
Named by the voice of my shame and regret
But when I hear You whisper, "Child lift up your head"
I remember, oh God, You're not done with me yet
I am redeemed, You set me free
So I'll shake off these heavy chains
Wipe away every stain, now I'm not who I used to be.
I Am Redeemed."
